I'm on the plane to Arizona.  Like right now.  In first class, by the way...  Pretty easy to score an upgrade when there is a grand total of eight people on the entire plane.  And why are you people sitting back in coach, anyway??  There's like 12 empty first class seats up here.  Oh well.  You can't help every one all the time.

So, I'm on my way.  And I'm a little nervous, to be perfectly honest.  I haven't seen Jack or Laurie, or anyone for that matter, since the diagnosis and I'm nervous!!  Not of seeing them, but of making an ass of myself by blubbering like a snotty mess the moment I see that adorable bald head.  In fact, I'm all verklempt right now just writing that.  Oh, deep breath.  Another mimosa, please stewardess??  But seriously, I'm nervous.  Is that wrong?  I feel that it's wrong.  I mean, how silly to be nervous to see my sister and Zac and their kids...but it's just that things are so different than the last time that we were all together.  And being so far away from everyone...the whole thing has just been surreal.  And not in a good way, Lord no.  Just like as Jack says, Are you KEEDING ME?  I'm still in the "why" stage, I suppose.  And then I feel like an even more giant ass for saying that.  Who am I to complain with all that Laurie is shouldering?  I know, I've said it all before, boo hoo.  Get over it, Stacey.  I'm afraid that in my quest to not make it about me, I am making it about me.  Now I for sure need that second mimosa. 

Anyway, enough of that.  Arizona!!  For like, 8 days!!  I haven't been here this long since I moved away 11 loooooooooooooooooooooooooong years ago.  Honestly, I would pack up and move back walking backwards barefoot while chewing glass, if I had the opportunity.  Of course I'd want to bundle up my Texas peeps and take them with me, but even after 11 years...I still refer to Arizona as home.  I'm going home for Christmas, I'm going home to see Jack, I'm going home to visit April...home.  I live in Texas, but Arizona will always be home.   And I'm so excited to see it.  So excited, in fact, that I walked out of the house this morning without my camera.  So, be prepared for loads of cell phone pics until Scott arrives on Wednesday with his thirty seven pound camera.  Then I'll post the good pics. 

There are also a lot of decisions that Scott and I need to be working on while we have these precious few days away from our current situation at home.  Things are...not great.  To say the least.  No, not with us.!!  I mean other stuff.  Calm down!  Anyway, we've got to decide on where we go from here.  Not moving out of state...not yet, anyway.  See, Scott just enrolled in firefighter academy, so we can't very well up and move away now...did I mention that??  The firefighter part?  I can't remember if I did.  Well, more on that later.  Anyway, do we keep the business up and running while he's in school?  It's difficult to consider a construction company as "up and running" with no jobs lined up.  And as you all know, no jobs means no dinero.  Which stinks.  Texas has, blessedly, lived apart from the housing market crash...until now.  Nobody is building anything, at all.   So, instead of being prideful and stubborn, we really need to make a decision NOW before we sink so far under that we can't get out without help.   It's a bit of a baseball bat to the face, I have to admit.  This time last year, we were in the middle of two HUGE jobs, plenty of money in the bank AND in savings, I didn't think twice about buying that plane ticket home.  Fast forward to now...and I had to rely on donated miles to get me home.  Were we blind to what everyone else saw coming?  Were we foolish to think that things wouldn't catch up to our area?  Maybe.  And that's the part that bothers me the most. 

So, Scott enrolled in the firefighter academy.  What the what?  I know, crazy.  But he's talked about it on and off for a few years now, and in light of all that's going on, he's trying so hard for us to get out from under our current obligations and move toward something that's just for us.  Yes, it's dangerous, but the benefits are good and the pay is surprisingly good, as well.  He'd be able to keep up the photography in his off days (it's one day on and two off) and even still build a house or two a year.  But there would always be that steady paycheck, steady benefits, and even retirement.  That's something we always worry about, there's no retirement in being self-employed!  So am I worried?  God, yes.  Am I scared?  Terrified.  But I think that this is the best thing for our family right now.  Not to mention, it gives us the freedom to be able to move out of state, should the need arise. 

Ok, enough of this happy-go-lucky post.  I'm less than 100 miles from Phoenix, from Jack, from Laurie, from Big Buddha Belly Braden, from Zac, from April...  And next week is the Shave-Off and the arrival of Mom and Dad and Nikki and Shawn.  Things look good.