No alarm bells, no uh-oh's, please. I just want to say this "out loud".
Why is it so hard to forget about the unnecessary stresses in your life? Why is it so hard to focus on what you have and block out all the other nonsense? Why does it matter what other people think, when you know that they are wrong and nobody agrees with them? Why can't we be trusted to run our lives and our business the way that we want to, without constant judgment from the very people who are supposed to love us most?
My personal hurricane has returned. The upheaval and the commotion and the constant upset is back. I feel as if I'm trying to find a hole in the ice that I'm trapped under. But why do I allow their poison to rule my life? I don't want it to, but I hate knowing that people are shaking their heads and clucking their tongues at us. I want to shake them and ask, "Don't you even realize what you have? Don't you realize what you're doing?". But I don't think it would matter. Because to them in the end, as usual, we're always wrong and they're always right.
After years and years, Scott has recently discovered inside himself how to erect a wall, and I wish I could as well. This is nothing but a minor blip on his radar screen, nothing but an annoyance. He put his foot down - again - today, and that's it. Screw what they think, screw what they do. Why can't I do that?? Why does it matter so much to me what they think?
I know most of you have the answer for us - get away. But it truly isn't as easy as that. Everything is so damned complicated, I wouldn't even be sure where to start. Even though we pay - literally and figuratively - every month for our home, our utilities, our land, our taxes, our insurance - we don't own it. It's not ours and not in our name. On paper, we don't have much. We have our cars, we have our rental duplex in our name, but not our home. It's in their name on their land under their ever watchful eye. And I want out so badly, so badly that I would do just about anything to get out. But where to go? Probably give a renter notice and move in to the duplex for a short time, I suppose. Sell off items we own - although in this economy selling things isn't going to be easy.
But again, back to the original. Why can't I just blow them off? Perfection would not please these people, so why does it bother me so much? There are so many other things that I do have in life that I should be so thankful for, but why do I dwell on other people's self-induced misery?
I have to try and put them behind me. I have to try and get my wall up. It's the only way that I'll be able to keep my sanity right now.
My sweet, sweet husband doesn't deserve this from them. But he's on his way over there right now to tell them once and for all how things are going to be. I'm sorry that he has to do this. I'm sorry that they don't see what they have.
3 comments:
It would be nearly impossible to ignore them because they do their darndest to get in your face constantly. I figured you'd hear something when you told her you only worked until 10:30 last Friday. Perhaps you need to propose a visitation schedule. They can see the kids on certain days and you'll meet them out front for the handoff. When they're done, they can call and you can meet out front to get them back. No more coming in the house, visiting, etc. Another option would be to see how much another driveway would be coming up the end of the access road through the pasture. There are rarely any horses out front anyway. Then I'd invest in fast growing trees from an online nursery and plant those suckers in a row alongside your house to block the view. Those are little things you might want to consider to try and control things.
If you wanna rock, you rock.
If you wanna roll, you roll
You can roll with the punches
Long as you feel like you're in control.
If you wanna stay, you stay
If you wanna go, you go.
You don’t care how you get there
Long as you get somewhere you know.
That was the song on as I read your post. I think it fits! You're in control, sista. You will never change them - ever. All you can do is control how you will react, where you will live, the boundaries you set and the consequences when the overstep them.
sorry you have to go through this. i know how you feel kinda, i think. i could call up my 'someone' and say "Isn't the weather so awesome today? The sky is so blue!" and they would say "Eh, not really, I've seen better days." Or I could call my 'someone' with the greatest news and they would immediatly beat the news down with every single possible negative thing they could think of. Nothing makes my someone happy. Jealousy. That's what it is. They are jealous. Stay strong girl!
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