It dawned on me when I was driving down the road the other day that I'll be 34 in 5 months.  And last time I checked, 35 comes after 34.  And 35 is halfway through my 30's and on the hump of the downward slide to 40.  I quickly made a mental checklist...

• French manicured fake nails, except the tips are black instead of white
• Hot pink iPod plugged in and blasting My Chemical Romance
• Black painted toe nails stuck into black flip flops with sparkly crystals on them
• Out of date license sticker on my windshield because I'm too lazy to go get a current one
• Empty gum and Sonic straw wrappers on the floorboard of the passenger seat
• Unopened mail sitting on the passenger seat from three days ago because I keep forgetting to take it inside
• Just heard the sound of a text message alert coming from my phone
• Shirt from Forever 21
• A few sporatically placed by-the-manufacturer rips and tears in my jeans
• Chunky necklace from Buckle

Does it sound as if I'm describing an almost 34 on the way to 40 year old?  No, it sounds like I'm describing a teenager.  Throw in a fake ID and I'm no different than the seniors at the high school.  When I was one of those seniors, I pictured myself at 35...wearing kick ass suits to work and always in high heels and never having a hair out of place and never faltering a single step because I had my sh*t together.  I would probably have a briefcase thrown on the passenger seat of my yuppie sports sedan that was holding several neat and orderly files.  So now this is going through my mind...do those "real" 35 year olds look at me and roll their eyes and think, "grow up".  Do teenagers look at me and roll their heavily black eyeliner lined eyes and think "I hate it when old people try to be young". 

Sigh.

I look at myself in the mirror and think, "I don't really look almost 35 on the way to 40".  I mean, I still get carded when I order a drink at most restaurants and bars.  But then I chastise myself because even though I don't really look my age, that doesn't mean that I don't have to act it or dress it.  I see people like Cole's teacher and I think to myself, "Oh...she's probably about 40.  Cute yet sensible blonde bob, khaki pants, cute sweater set...yeah, about 40".  WRONG.  She's younger than me.  And that makes me feel weird.  Like I should be the one in the cute sweater set and khaki pants instead of ripped jeans and a Forever 21 tunic. 

During this same drive I saw an older woman...at least 65...walking her dog down the road.  She had dyed bright orange-ey red long hair that was pulled up and to the side in an over the ear pony tail, she was wearing black capri stretch pants, a purple tunic and a denim vest with crystals all over the back.  Did I just see the ghost of Christmas Future??  Is this me in thirty years?  Clinging to my youth with every fiber in my being???

God, I hope so.

Note from the editor:  I am in no way saying that khaki pants and cute sweater sets are for 40 year olds.  I own sweater sets AND khaki pants.  I was just saying that Teacher looked so cute and put together and grown up.  Unlike me.  As April would say, That is all.